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It wasn’t the first time; probably won’t be the last.

“I struggle during the holidays,� says Constantin, 59, an Army veteran who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. By the time he got off the 911 call last Wednesday, he had already started calming himself. Buddhist meditation techniques help, he says, but he went to Barnes-Jewish Hospital anyway and was there about 12 hours before they let him go.

There are a few things that have Constantin down lately. On Wednesday, his landlord at Park Place Apartments in St. Louis sued for $277 in back rent. In October, Constantin says he gave 30 days’ notice that he was going to move.

He thought he was going home.

Constantin grew up in Dellwood. He graduated from Riverview Gardens High School. For the past few months, he’s been trying to get a room at the St. Louis Veterans Home, not far from there. The way Constantin tells it, administrators at both the home and the Missouri Veterans Commission told him he had a place there.

“They promised me a bed three times,� he says. In August. In September. In October.

There was one problem.

For the past six years, to help him deal with his PTSD, Constantin has had an emotional support dog.

She was a pug named Lilly.

“She was everything to me,� he says.

In August, he gave Lilly to the . The admissions folks at the St. Louis Veterans Home told him they didn’t allow support dogs. Constantin knew he needed the daily services provided at the home more than he needed Lilly. So when they told him he could move in, he gave up his lifeline.

A big man who worked in the Army as a combat engineer, Constantin breaks into tears at the mere mention of Lilly. “All I had was that dog. Once they made me give her away, my life ended.�

He still wants to move into the veterans home. But he doesn’t know what the holdup is.

Every month, Constantin says, he gets a different answer as to why he doesn’t have a room at the 300-bed facility. He was at the top of the list, until he wasn’t. He was told — twice, he says — not to call higher-ups or it would diminish his chance to get a room. He called anyway.

They told him they could place him at a private facility with his veterans benefits, but when he called, the facility said he couldn’t live there because he had been suicidal.

He felt like he was in a vicious playback loop facing so many of our nation’s veterans. In 2014, 18 percent of the adult suicides in the U.S. were veterans. That year, , on average. Six of those 20 were users of veterans services.

Constantin knows the statistics and he doesn’t want to become one. It’s why he sought placement in the state-run home. Despite reading about the into care issues at the home, Constantin figured it’s where he belonged. He doesn’t have family anymore. He doesn’t like living in the city. He stays to himself mostly. Lately, since Lilly’s been gone, he wakes up with “the terrors.�

“I’m freaking out,� he says.

He’s supposed to be out of his apartment by the end of the month, and he faces legal action if he doesn’t comply. So he keeps calling the St. Louis Veterans Home to check on his room. He calls supervisors. And when they tell him not to call their supervisors, he calls them, too. This month he filed a complaint with Melissa Wilding, the ombudsman for the Missouri Veterans Commission. He called the governor’s office, too.

Lilly found a good home with a woman who loved pugs, Constantin says.

He misses his dog. He knows he needs help.

He waits.